Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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