What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
