So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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