o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
