So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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