And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
