I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
