I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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