I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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