remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
