Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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