Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize