Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
