i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
