that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
