The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's always time for handjobs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
