glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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