I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
