on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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