Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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