Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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