I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize