dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
