How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize