If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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