i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
