Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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