K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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