She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
