We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
