im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
