i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
