Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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