My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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