Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
