i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
