I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
