One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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