glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
