Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
