Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
