so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
