I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
