My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
