We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked a lego.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
