his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
