You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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