NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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