wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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