I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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