I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
