i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
