Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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