So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
