I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
