just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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