I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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