Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
