none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
