did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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