i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
