Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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