what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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