theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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