im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
