I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
