Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
