I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
