when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
