do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
