It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize