Sponge bath it is.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I looked at my own cervix.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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