Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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