Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
