Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
