Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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