The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm passing your future prison.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
