Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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