She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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